La vie est drôle @cycm@efdn.club

thinking about becoming god but like for real this time

My favourite personal softball story is when I was 16, and my high school gym teacher asked around and put together a softball team, and the main qualification was... well, all you really had to do was want to be on the team, and you were on in.

None of use were athletes. In fact a lot of us were awkward and not particularly good shape. We were basically a varsity beerball team in skill level, and I later found out the whole operation existed so that sports could have some kind of real estate in the yearbook, because we didn't have much in the way of sports teams.

But we did end up playing an exhibition against a HS team from the next town over, and we assumed that is was going to be another ragtag crew of enthusiasts and assorted weirdos, but it ended being against a legit-ass team that had, y'know, uniforms and regular practices and all that.

There must have been some crossed wires somewhere between the coaches because there is no other explanation for the weird cruelty of pitting a team of mistfit weirdos against a real-ass varsity softball team.

I need you to see in your mind's eye the difference between these two teams, not just in skill level, but in how much we gave a shit. They had actual unis (bold red everything w/ white accents), with actual numbers and actual equipment. We were just there in T-shirts and shorts, as if were were playing a pick-up game in a quarry.

I mean, I say T-shirt and jeans, but I was 16, and thus smack in the middle of the Goth Derek era. So picture me out there shagging fly balls in blue jeans, a black turtleneck, wearing a wood chain round my neck and shitty, mostly-peeled-off dollar-store black nail polish on my fingers.

Also with I have black Osirises on my feet because haha who has cleats?

Well, the other team has cleats, and god damn did they whip our ass. The score is lost to the sands of time but you bet your ass the mercy rule was invoked. It was a cosmic beating, some Jon Bois shit. We were on the same field, but we definitely weren't playing the same game.