I spent most of this morning learning about how koalas are dumb as fuck

Koalas are so dumb that if you put leaves on the ground they will starve to death because they don't realize that leaves on the ground are still food

A koala's brain is 0.2% of its body weight which is the lowest of any mammal. They have absolutely zero problem-solving ability. Their brains are literally perfectly smooth all over and there's a big hole in the middle where the two halves don't connect all the way. The only reason they don't get eaten like chicken nuggets is because they spend most of their lives eating poison. Even when they die of natural causes, their flesh is still so poisonous that nothing will eat it.

For decades people thought you couldn't keep Koalas in captivity because they would stop eating due to stress and starve to death, but it turned out that they were literally just too dumb to figure out how to eat out of bowls.

Literally every wild koala has chlamydia. Every single one.

koalas will only eat one type of leaf with little to no nutritional value, and only if that one type of leaf is from within a few miles of where they were born. Otherwise they will starve to death.

Honestly how are koalas even alive. Everything about them is a slap in the face to the concept of natural selection. They live on Death-Everywhere Hell-Continent. The trees they live in will literally just explode sometimes. How the FUCK are they STILL ALIVE.

I'm willing to entertain the theory that all of humanity's problems are the result of God indirectly attempting to punish koalas for their existential hubris

I hate koalas so much for existing. Nothing should be this much of an affront to nature. Fuck you.

@Dayglochainsaw It's an excellent case study how when devoid of selection pressure, a species can trend towards lower energy. It's actually somewhat amazing they've managed to avoid behavioral sink.

@Dayglochainsaw If anything, I would think that koala's becoming so stupid is what helped them avoid behavioral sink.

@Dayglochainsaw No fuck you, koalas for life, they troublehacked the fuck out of evolution.

@Dayglochainsaw Honestly could have saved me a full 200 level philosophy of language course.

Deadass, I realized the true nature of words and reality when I was like 12 and spent several years being very confused as to why this wasn't glaringly obvious to everyone

@Dayglochainsaw My favorite group of confused-about-words are analytical philosophers, cuz they all have brain worms where they think strictly applied explicit definitions are easier to work with than just rolling. I think you can learn a lot about human psychology by watching them spin.

I more or less accidentally gave myself a pretty decent education in philosophy by spending a lot of time thinking and googling a few things

@Dayglochainsaw They're just like "fuck you I'm not investing in your competitive bullshit, it's too tiring, I'm just gonna eat this thing nobody want, now leave me alone"

@Dayglochainsaw what about panda bears?

the only reason they still exist is that humans find them cute, and so, force them to fuck. otherwise they would've died out decades ago.

@Dayglochainsaw I feel like this about pandas. all these people putting in so much effort to conserve them. they clearly want to die out just let them go in peace

@Dayglochainsaw do "potato chips" count as a type of "leaf"? Cuz otherwise I might need to check to see if I'm a koala.

@Dayglochainsaw that is actually an ethical stance they're taking

@Dayglochainsaw to be fair, cats are also this but backwards, if you hold a cat treat out they might not understand that it's a cat treat

@Dayglochainsaw how fucking dumb koalas are is my favorite topic for some reason, they’re so fucking dumb it’s hilarious


@Dayglochainsaw did you read anything about how baby koalas ease into eating eucalyptus leaves? because oh boy

@Dayglochainsaw baby koalas basically eat their mother's diarrhea until they're able to eat the full on leaves since they're so poisonous

@Dayglochainsaw always here for people dunking on koalas, a+ work

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